'Want' Or 'Want to Want'
“The first thing you have to know is yourself. A man
who knows himself can step outside himself and
watch his own reactions like an observer.”
- Adam Smith, The Money Game
How well do you know yourself? Your desires? Your purpose? Your driving motivations? What feeds you vs what drains you of energy and momentum?
Knowing yourself is key to many things in life, including your happiness and success. The better you know yourself, the better you can recognize what matters most. The more you recognize what matters most, the more you can focus your time and energy on those things and away from things you merely desire.
Do you know what you want? Can you identify the things you only want to want? What’s the difference?
I was 15 when I first thought about playing music. I always liked music. It energized and inspired me, but I hadn’t realized people spent their whole careers studying and perfecting their skills to produce the beauty that moved me and so many others.
When I ‘Want’ something...I get lost in the doing and progressing.
I received my first guitar at 15 and was off, learning to play, performing songs, and chasing the dream of stardom. For years, I progressed, improved my skills, and played on bigger and bigger stages. I entered college to study jazz performance and became a better musician by the day. I set my eyes on becoming a great and proficient Jazz bass player and spent hours a day, including nights and weekends, practicing and playing, building my repertoire, increasing my vocabulary, and gaining performance experience.
As I left school and began to build my family, the time I had available for music decreased and I found myself often spending the bulk of it writing simple songs on the guitar and piano instead of practicing my proficiency on the bass. When my wife was away and the kids were in bed, I’d spend hours upon hours lost in time crafting songs. Hours seemed like minutes, and there never seemed to be enough time to reach my self-imposed finish lines. Occasionally, I’d get the itch to improve my bass proficiency and pick up my stand-up bass, but inevitably, within a few days, I’d be drawn back to noodling on the guitar. Year after year after year I would set goals for myself to increase my skill on the standup, and year after year after year I would feel like a failure, having completed yet another year with minimal progress.
This is the difference between ‘Want’ and “Want to want’.
When I ‘Want’ something, I’m willing to sacrifice. I’m willing to consciously choose to spend whatever available time I have to achieve it. I get lost in the doing and progressing. I work hard over long periods to reach my desired goal. My reward is heavily weighted toward the journey vs. the outcome.
Are you chasing what you ‘Want’ or what you ‘Want to want’?
However, what I ‘Want to want’ doesn’t come so easily, at least not for long. I may desire it, even significantly so, though I often discover I desire the result or benefit more than the journey itself. Said differently, I desire what it gets. It’s because of this that when I choose something I ‘Want to want’ I am consistently left feeling like a failure, having failed to make the progress I desired. Maybe I desire the compliments and recognition that come with proficiency as an instrumentalist, not the proficiency itself. Regardless, my progress is limited because I often choose to focus my time and energy on other things.
This has become an instrumental question for me when I’m faced with new opportunities, reviewing my year, and setting upcoming goals. Am I spending my time chasing something I ‘Want’ or something I ‘Want to want’?
How about you? Do you spend your time on ‘Wants’? How often are you derailed by what you ‘Want to want’?






