A key pillar of emotional intelligence (EQ) is your ability to bring others along in the conversation. Your ability to not just understand those around you, but help channel the collective group towards a common mission that builds something great.
In practice, because our EQ can either help us or hurt us, it’s important to understand that it’s not just our ability to understand ourselves and those around us that matters. It is also our ability to allow that understanding to impact our behaviors and, ultimately, impact our effectiveness. If culture is what we allow, and our EQ impacts both the behaviors that flourish and are suppressed, then our EQ has an oversized impact on our culture.
In my early 30s, I ran the operational and technical teams for a small scrappy company. We had big dreams, large aspirations, and aggressive timelines accompanied by a few significant constraints; money was tight and people and systems were scarce. Despite the restrictions, we charged ahead at a ferocious pace, working to build an innovative company that, at the time, led the way with customer experience-centric solutions that gave unheard-of access and visibility across their systems.
And...it was during that time that I began to gain a reputation as the ‘no’ guy. We were a young company with some highly creative folks who were constantly thinking of new ideas like services, functionality, and potential market segments. We had a team of intelligent leaders looking to grow the business. We had outside investors pushing for value creation, which resulted in an increased return on their investments. As the operational leader responsible for discerning where and how we utilized our time, skills, and money, I was often approached with new ideas. As the operation leader responsible for the allocation and execution of those resources against our strategy, I would assess the ideas, weigh the impact, and make decisions. And my answer was often ‘no’ or ‘not right now’.
Actual decisions aside, I remember a very visceral feeling of opposition that would creep up over and over during this process. It was like getting orange juice from an orange. The first time I am asked to get more from what we have is like the first time you squeeze a freshly cut orange. It’s plump and juicy, and the liquid freely flows. The next time, though, is not as easy. There’s still juice, but it takes a little more work and a little more pressure to squeeze it out. You get some, but not as much. At each subsequent attempt, the amount of work increases and the resulting juice decreases. It just gets harder and harder.
And that’s how I felt. As each new idea emerged, as our team accomplished bigger and bigger feats, I put the onus on myself to continue finding new ways to create incremental value from our existing resources. So, when approached with a new idea, I was already putting pressure on myself to deliver something I couldn’t actually deliver. It felt like it signified a failure on my part for which I had only 2 choices; work harder OR say no.
That’s when a colleague pulled me aside and said, “Dominic, you’re not wrong, but every time you resist and say ‘no’, you shut down the conversation. You become the resistance. You create stress. Why don’t you tweak it just a bit and say, ‘Yes, and here’s what it will take’? You’re still saying the same thing, but you’re conveying your thought process along with a potential path forward. Then, it’s up to them whether or not they want to pursue it.”
Talk about a light bulb moment. ‘Yes, and...’ changed the conversation. ‘Yes, and...’ allowed me to keep them in the conversation. ‘Yes, and...’ allowed me to bring them along in the decision-making journey; an invaluable teaching tool for growing leaders. ‘Yes, and...’ allowed me to help assess resources, priorities, risks, and benefits to determine whether or not a path forward was warranted.
Ultimately, it’s an ROI decision based on our company’s identity. (Purpose/Mission, Vision, Value, Goals) So, what goes into ‘Yes and’ in practice?
How would you rate yourself at bringing others along in the decision-making journey? Are you stuck on repeat with the conversation ending ‘NOs’?
Copyright GrowthPath 2023-2025. All right reserved.